Thursday, March 13th, 2014
When you’re lucky enough that very nice publishers will pay you some money to write a book, you’re pretty quick to say “Yes” whenever they ask you to do literally anything.
“Hey, will you wake up at 4am to do a series of wacky morning radio interviews?” Of course.
“Will you talk to HuffPoLive about reconciling presidential admiration with how a bunch of them owned slaves?” I’m very unqualified to do that, but yes obviously.
“Suvudu, which is a RandomHouse website, does a March Madness-style cage match every year where fictional characters face off; would you like to write a battle between Katniss Everdeen and Trillian?” Um… Sure?
It was a thing I said I’d do a few months ago and then promptly forgot about until it was time to actually turn it in. It ended up being super fun to write but also one of the weirder things I’ve done. I did my very best to channel some of my favorite elements of Douglas Adams and failed hilariously in the attempt.
I also decided, for almost no reason, that all of Katniss’s dialogue attribution would involve dog sounds. I never meant to suggest that the character was a bitch, or that Jennifer Lawrence was particularly dog-like. I just noticed that Katniss’s first bit of dialogue was followed by “she said with a bow.” I wrote that because Katniss was bowing to her opponent. Then I realized “Hey, she also carries a bow. That wasn’t intentional. Is that clever? Probably not. Maybe people will think that’s clever, but probably not. Hey, speaking of things that are both clever and also other things, ‘bow wow’ is an onomatopoetic representation of how dogs speak. I wonder how stupid I can be in this thing.”
And that’s why every piece of dialogue Katniss uses is followed by barked, growled, whined and so on. There’s nothing artistic behind it. I can’t stress enough that I’m not saying anything with this maneuver. It’s just dumb and small and the kind of thing that happens when someone tells me to “just write whatever.”
Anyway here’s that link again.
Thursday, February 6th, 2014
Four sample pages have been added to the Amazon page for How To Fight Presidents. Check out some of Winston Rowntree’s incredible illustrations!
Friday, January 31st, 2014
“Too many balls and dicks in this book.”- My agent, Byrd
“the language… and the generous descriptions of bodily functions makes the book somewhat young reader unfriendly.”- Amazon Vine User
“Just a word of caution to those poor souls who get might get upset at reading certain colorful and earthy words describing some of our president’s physical toughness and lusty ways, GET OVER IT!”- Amazon Vine User
“I’m okay with the use of genitals in this chapter.”- My agent again, make up your mind, Byrd!
“The author has an intense dislike for Martin van Buren”- Amazon Vine User
“Do you have a different word for ‘balls’ we can use?”- My publisher
Pretty fucking happy about these early reviews. Penis!
Friday, January 24th, 2014
The book won’t be out for two months, but apparently some special Amazon Vine members get pre-release copies. I didn’t know that was a thing, but I checked the page today and saw our first review.
I do not like or trust most politicians ( I think at least 99.9 % of them are corrupt and/or dishonest, and most are actually dictators in disguise), but the title of this book really sparked my curiosity. Finally, a book about politicians (How to Fight Presidents: Defending yourself against the bad##### who ran this country by Daniel O’Brien). (If you wonder why I did not spell out the word in the title- it is because the Amazon censors would not publish my review with colorful earthy words, believe me I know). In any case, this book pulls no punches as it provides an unusual brief historical evaluation of 38 of our former presidents. This book is fantastic on many levels. First off, the writer has an incredible sense of humor and wit as he describes each president’s ability to kick their enemy’s butts both physically and intellectually.
The introduction: “You’d have to be crazy to want this job” emphasizes the type of person who would be nuts enough to want to be President of the United States. He moves on to one of the toughest presidents both physically and intellectually. Out first president, George Washington was tough on the battle field and as president. Some of the many other American Presidents he covers include: John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, John Quincy Adams, Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses S. Grant, Teddy Roosevelt, Herbert Hoover, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Dwight D. Eisenhower, John F. Kennedy, Lyndon Johnson, and Ronald Reagan. The author has really researched these presidents and provides a lot of information which many people may not know about some of these politicians. This book is informative, irreverent, unique and even hilarious at times.
Just a word of caution to those poor souls who get might get upset at reading certain colorful and earthy words describing some of our president’s physical toughness and lusty ways, GET OVER IT! One of the things that I loved about this book is how the author described each president in such a way that they seemed to come alive. Many of them seem like regular people who you could go out and have a beer with, and even possibly engage in a friendly fist fight over their political philosophy. Personally, there are only a few that I might be worried about in a real fight, but you should keep in mind that one of my nick names in my younger days was “Mad Dog.”
In conclusion, if you want to read a true fun and enjoyable book about some of our presidents, you need to check out this volume. I loved it. It is a well-written and expertly researched volume.
Rating: 5 Stars. Joseph J. Truncale (Author: Never Trust a Politician: A critical review of politics and politicians)
Wednesday, January 15th, 2014
The publisher gave me nine months to write my book How to Fight Presidents, which you can pre-order right this second. I couldn’t exactly take a sabbatical from Cracked, so I was trying to write this book while still working a full-time, often 70 hours/week job.